saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
