when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
