Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
