You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
