i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
