i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
