I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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