Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
