The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
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She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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