she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
