I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
