There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
