someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
