woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize