Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
