hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
