just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
