I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
