she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
