Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
