we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
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We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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