omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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