He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
