My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
