Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
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I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
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I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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