this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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