My Higher Power is John Stamos
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i out mim tonsoeep
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