He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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