he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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