I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
