Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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