...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
