I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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