I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
