She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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