everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
