Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
