your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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