Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
