Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
