haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There r osticjed everywhere
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
