no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
