I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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