Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
