Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i dont even know how to be here
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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