Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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