i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
