apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
