i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
