Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize