I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
