This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
