Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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