Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
