ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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