tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
