I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
