I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
