I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
