Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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