I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
