I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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