Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
