I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
