I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
