When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
