morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
