On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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