"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
