Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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