We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just want to make out with him forever
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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