farters have to be the big spoon...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
