A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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