Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
